Everyday Creative

It’s a fine line. Are you:

• Pushing yourself to grow, take risks, try something new and brave and seemingly cool and oh-so you, really you?
• Pushing yourself so far out of the comfort zone of your natural strengths that you’re entering  a full-blown state of chronic misery and anxiety?

Not everyone lives like this, but sometimes it’s easy to confuse a healthy challenge with an unnatural one that drains all your enthusiasm. Some of us call it “making lives just a wee harder than it needs to be.” Others might call it “getting lost on the wrong path” or “barking up the wrong tree.”  It could be a simple case of: Trying this, not liking it, time to take a right turn and fast.

What are signs that your challenge is perhaps one to reconsider? How do you know when a state of discomfort is just you blowing through some old cycles and on to new pastures and to just keep going?

Sometimes it’s trial and error. But here are a few signs that might signal that you’re making yourself walk the plank and it’s time to come back to home base.

• You feel anxietous even when you picture the arrival zone at the end of some short-term challenges.
• You’ve lost all motivation and inspiration, even after a holiday, even after a restful weekend, even after [insert whatever here makes your sails flutter].
• You’re starting to feel depressed, melancholic, unsociable.
• You wonder why you’re not more excited about creating this new venture for yourself.
• When you think of some alternate paths to the one you’re on, something in you screams, That one! Yes! Over there!
• Something in you wants to raise the white flag.
• When you look at the highlights of the last ten years, they in no way match up to what you’re doing. So, if you’re trying to adjust to life as a farmer when you love the honking noise of a city and the smell of exhaust, you’re probably swimming upstream.
• When you spend most of your days — consecutively — dreaming of going to bed at night.
• When people post “I love my life” statuses on Facebook and Twitter your automatic response is something along the lines of “F you.”

It’s great to strive and have ambitions and want to take chances and risks and use a recession for a new opportunity. But if it makes you miserable stop and ask yourself: What am I really good at? What situations do I thrive in? What did I love to do as a kid? The answers are there, just be open for them.

And here’s to pursing the right kind of challenges, where you use your strengths and natural gifts and go with the flow of your joyful life. It’s not failure to “quit” and take a new turn. Success is knowing when to get out and on to the next best thing.

Go for it!

xo

1. You can. For starters, you can probably hold a pen or type a keypad ( if not, there’s voice recognition).
   

   Don't overcomplicate the writing process. Be yourself, you'll be king!

2. If a teacher long ago said you were a bad speller or had bad penmanship (some people have told me this!), it doesn’t matter. Spelling and writing are two different activities. Write first, spellcheck later. 
3. Writing well isn’t about sounding like a pulitzer-prize winning author. It’s about finding your voice and feeling confident with how you express yourself – and then even (dare I say it) enjoying it! Yes, I’ve seen it happen.
4. You don’t have to know how it’s all going to turn out. It can be a novel or a work proposal. For the first draft, just write and see where the writing gods take you and be open to a few surprises. Robert Frost said, “No surprise for the writer, no surprise for the reader.” Live by this.
5. Do you like to travel? Writing is the cheapest plane ticket to anywhere you want to go in the world, or within your imagination. And there’s nobody to stop you – except for yourself. (Yes, this is the tough one.)
6. And when you do find yourself saying STOP, NO while you’re in the middle of writing, this is a good time to keep plowing through. Concentrate on the physical act and turn your mind off and see what comes out. It’s a bit like doing that run or sports event and hitting that place you want to stop but you power through anyway. This is a place of rich transformation and plot twists and turns – or a breakthrough of a tough part of business writing. Sometimes you just make yourself say what you’ve been wanting to say but haven’t dared to – or known how.
7. Writing is not just an act of imagination and mind. It’s physical. And you need to get in shape for it. If you’re starting up, think small and build up. Just like getting back to swimming, biking or kick boxing after 10 years of couch surfing.
8. Each of us has a voice. Everyone has a story. Most of us want to be heard. The more you can own up to your natural writing voice, practice it, use it as a discovery tool, pay with it, love it, fight with it, accept it, see where it takes you – the more you can __________________. Fill in the blank—make it your wildest dream!
9. Don’t forget to have fun, OK?

Nurtured back to life by beauty and six weeks away from daily life.

– you just need a sweet  little holiday!

Sometimes I forget how important a holiday is. DUH. Now that I’m back from a six day visit to Colorado, lapping up my niece and nephew and family members, taking in the surrounding beauty and not thinking about my daily life-work-etc pursuits, life feels so much more … hopeful! And just plain pretty and nice and cute and fluffy and safe and lovely.

Before vacation: unmotivated, not enjoying normally fun activities, not into life, that simple. I think when we get here it’s usually a sign to GET OUT OF TOWN AND FILL UP THE TANK!

I write that in caps because I think that’s what my inner caretaker was trying to tell me and I just couldn’t hear. So next time I’ll look for that stooped shouldered feel of walking through life that tells me: Revive time.

Even a long weekend works.

So question to you: What are signs that you need a holiday, and how can you first catch those signs before it gets to a low point? Waiting too long for a get away is like exercising for too long and hard without enough fuel and sleep — it takes days sometimes even weeks to recoup. Imagine how you could be enjoying more of your days.

And next time you take a vacation (a good one) pay attention to what really energizes, invigorates and nurtures you. I (re)learned how much physical beauty massages my soul back to life. Which means I need to get more of it in at home.

If you can’t read your body or thought language yet, use a calendar. Most of us need some kind of break from the routine every six weeks. Find out when you start to get squiggly and gremlin-y in thoughts and put some candy on your calendar now.

xo t

Is there something to like about the sleepless stress of worries?

I detest  the deep rut of worry. It’s self-absorbing and it stops most of the flow of possibility, creativity, joy or juicy connections.

And yet I do it, even when I know in any given situation I have a choice: Worry through it or Not worry through it.

I think it’s easy to stay with Worry when we don’t give ourselves a picture or feeling of what “not worry” is.

In the past week I got a new perspective on worry, stress, et al. It came through a very sad occurence, the death of a dear, sassy, strong friend who I saw in her last few days of life after a brave battle with cancer.

I was in part greedily wondering if this would be a lesson to me to stop sweating some areas of my life. What came to me was, No, part of life is having these challenges and Oh Shits and Jesus Christ Will I Ever ______, and What now?

These work-money-love-existential struggles and worries are the gift and grit of daily life. It’s what we do. The choice here is, am I going to roll up my sleeves and get after it with verve and playfulness, or am I going to blink my eyes and say “scary” and move through the hard times with one hand over an eye? I want the more verve, thank you very much!

That was when I decided to love the ability to have worries, preoccupations, challenges and the Oh Shits.

It’s living. The beautiful challenges that come from living deeply, taking risks to have richer connections with people; challenging yourself in more fulfilling ways and showing up for people, places and things when stormy weather systems move in.

I know when my friend S got sick, she looked at her illness for lessons. And she was an ace at showing up.

The lesson — or awakening here is thus: be strong, savor those daily life worries. Thrive in them, that’s what we’re here for.

Fat Salmon 3.2 mile race start. Photo by J. Rosen.

My favorite party of the year is Seattle’s Fat Salmon swim race. Swimmers from all over the area congregate for a morning of socializing around a pair of point-to-point race distances — one and three miles.

This blog post is about how you start something like, say, a long-distance race, and in the first minute you’re asking, “Why am I doing this again?”

It’s a common situation: You plan for something, set a goal, pant after it in your daily life and then it shows up and as you step into it and you’re suddenly visited by an existential spin of: “What the — ?” The inner trickster. Here’s how I dealt with mine.

Obviously I wasn’t going to get out of the water. I tried, but there was no competitive mojo in my body or spirit, so I just settled in and refrained from judging. Sometimes during a race I try to open up to lessons I can take into my work life or personal life. The mantra that entered my mind on Saturday was: “Slow and steady wins the race.” I started to argue with this line: But I don’t want slow. And I’m certainly not winning any race today!

Still, that seemed to be the leitmotif of my swim, boomeranging back every time I tried to push it away. And it worked, in that it helped me take one stroke after another in an unhurried fashion, accepting the fact I wasn’t going to slip into a competitive pace. Here I was, oh well. Mantras can be like a pacing coach.

It turned out to be a pretty good swim, too. I didn’t feel overwhelmed by the distance, I didn’t winge and whine and get out of the water thinking, Never again!  I lost my timing chip during the swim and was perfectly content to not have to get my time.

And then a friend informed me that I had won my age group. What a surprise! It doesn’t make life that much better to tell you the truth, but it does make me giggle. And it makes me value the company (and truth) of a mantra when it comes visiting. It was perfectly 100 percent true for that day.

So on this note –

What one-liner is whispering in your ear when the Trickster shows up?

xo

Fun in a nutshell: running unencumbered with my favorite people.

Our childhood offers up a lot of rich, useful information to our adult self.

If you feel like you’ve fallen off the fun wagon — you’re in a creative mojo descendent, or you’ve lost your laugh, forgotten how to play — try on this question:

What are you first memories of fun?

Write down your answers. They can range from something physical (playing tag) to quiet daydreamy time somewhere cozy and private (your room, a tree).

If you feel a bit like a deer-in-headlights , that’s okay. We all do at first. Take a deep breath and let you mind wander and catch whatever image first comes to you. After you write down one or two, the faucet turns on and eight hours later lying in bed three more might come to you, presto!

In the meantime, write a list and underline some of the key words. For example, some of my earliest memories of fun were: Running in the playfield with friends to catch the wind and enjoy the feeling of the beeze against my skin; swimming; team sports, daydreaming in my room, performing to Hair and Jesus Christ Superstar, playing cards and board games. Key words: Running, swimming, team sports (collaboration), daydreaming (me time), performing, playing games.

I can look at those words and see how I’ve A) returned back to these activities in my adult life; B) seen how some of these key words, like performing, are showing up in my working life through giving workshops and C) I can see areas I am depleted in and could fill up a bit (team collaborations and more strategic playing).

Give it a whirl. Take a Fun reconnaissance mission and see what you find there.

I asked this question yesterday at a Fun workshop I gave to some Seattle coaches. Their whole bodies lit up at their rediscoveries. And they saw themes and had a few of those ooohhhhs, when life clicks into making a tiny bit more sense, i.e., we see repeating themes to the story of our lives.

Plus, you might be surprised at how youthful you still are!

xo

Life can feel like a weird, scary dream. Embrace it -- see where it takes you.

A friend of mine emails me to report she is feeling lost, having a crisis of identity.

“How about you?” she asks.

Oh, I’ve been there. Haven’t most of us who’ve hit the thorny woods of midlife? 

Transitions — they can be hell. But once you get the hang of the ass-kickingness of a big one, they can also be really cool. Like the screaming fun of a roller coaster ride.

I tell myself that feeling lost is just a feeling — and while feelings are powerful, they aren’t always the truth. So, you may feel lost, but it doesn’t mean you are.

Plus, I have a theory. Getting lost can be a beautiful necessity.

Every so often we have to lose ourselves to find ourselves anew. It’s like renewing our personal contract with our life: renewing values, relationships, visions, missions, and so forth.

Still, when transitions and feelings of lostness and identity shifts come to visit, life can get challenging. Probably because we only put our heads up and look around when we’re feeling uncomfortable. Discomfort’s gift is a willingness to change and reconsider the paths we’re on — an important reconnaissance mission.

So, in the spirit of adventure and being your full bad-ass self in transition, here are a few questions to consider for the quest:

• What do you know about yourself that is true?
• What new truth might be coming forth during this time, to take you forward in life?
• What can you renew in your own personal contract with life?

Take your curiosity and some good questions with you on the journey. Questions are like your super power, they’ll keep you traveling more lightly on your feet.

Here’s to your spirit of adventure! xo

Playing around in nature: Fun! Restorative.

During a recent Fun Workshop at my co-working space, Office Nomads, I asked “Why is it important to have fun?”

Here’s what the group came up with:

• More happiness
• More engagement
• Interest
• Creates energy
• More surprise
• Laughter
• Endorphins [PS: laughing is a natural endorphin]
• Helps change perspective
• Optimism
• Curiosity
• Flow state: Energy out > energy in
• Creativity
• More resourceful
• Freedom
• Exploration
• Meaningful connections

Imagine a life — and a job — filled with this list.

If you could have a bit more of one of these qualities in your life, which would you choose?

What is one easy step you could take — in thought or action — that would add some fun, engagement, surprise, energy to your work life in the next week?

Have fun experimenting. xo

St. Anthony, patron saint of basket-makers and gravediggers.

You know, you really can give yourself any job you want.

So maybe your business card says Director of Marketing, Math Wizard or Founder/CEO. Maybe you’re temporarily in transition. All you have to do is locate your own personal life-work mission. Imagine this job description is the story with the magic subtext — one that gives an important lifeline to What You Do. Your personal job description/mission might not be what people immediately see, but it’s what they feel.

For example, maybe you write copy for The Man, but in your heart you’re a harbinger of diplomacy among people trying to communicate in different styles. You can bring all those clashing leitmotifs into harmony. So you give yourself the title of Creative Diplomat. I knew of a real estate broker years ago who called herself (privately) a lifestyle coach and focused on helping couples have the best experience possible as they navigated through the prickly process of choosing a new home. If you’re in transition, find an archetypal role you think is yours to the core and start playing that out in daily life with friends, family, volunteer work, at the local coffee shop, on informational interviews as much as possible.  I mean, really — who’s to stop you?

Personal example: I had a job as a technical writer at a company where I was not producing the most world-enlightening copy. However, what did matter to me was that I brought fun  to the work place. Fun to me means my co-workers feel engaged and enthusiastic about their work, there’s happy collaboration, there’s learning and excelling and plenty of laughing. It makes work meaningful, rewarding and something to even (GASP) look forward to. So being the Fun nurturer was my personal mission and job description.

Now, how about you? What job description might you give yourself that brings your true essence into your work life and the lives of others?

Have fun giving yourself your own job title. If you come up with something, share!

xo

What's your space?

I was listening to a Fresh Air interview with comedian Joan Rivers last week.

At one point in the conversation, Terry Gross asked Rivers why, after all these years, and 70 years old, she still chooses to get on stage and perform, stage fright included. She answered the question with a great line from British actor Peter O’Toole.

Rivers and O’Toole were backstage somewhere together, and O’Toole pointed to the stage and declared, “that’s my space.”

Simple, elegant, clear. That stage is the space where people like Rivers and O’Toole feel most themselves and they’re doing their life work, playing, feeling engaged — all that good stuff.

Now let’s take this line and play with it.  What is your space — a place where you move and think and work most naturally? A place where you want to return to year after year?

If you were to point to something and say “that’s my space,” where would that be?